


Try To Break Us From The Start But I'll Be Yours Forever

by xLoveMx



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Spoilers for episode 109, Widojest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:28:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26445607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xLoveMx/pseuds/xLoveMx
Summary: A letter was all it took to throw Caleb off and revert him back to the scared and tormented boy that hadn’t just killed his parents, but also realized that everything that had been done to him shouldn’t be excused. That he wasn’t privileged and chosen for the greater good, but simply a little toy in the grand scheme of a man who had been overtaken by his hunger for power.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 14
Kudos: 111





	Try To Break Us From The Start But I'll Be Yours Forever

**Author's Note:**

> This is my 100th fic on AO3!!! Seems only fitting that it's Widojest with how much I've written and fallen in love with them over the past few months! Thank you to everyone reading and leaving comments on my work and a special thanks to everone in the WJ Server, people there are so lovely and have made this fandom experience more pleasant than I could have ever hoped for!
> 
> Enjoy this little fic packed with angst and feels! <3

He barely makes it out of the room after their feet touch the ground within the Lavish Chateau, mumbling something about _‘having to get some more paper,’_ before any of the others can say anything. He notices movement, someone trying to follow him, and then Caduceus’ voice behind him, “Give him some time,”

Time hasn’t fixed anything though, it has mended a few cracks here and there, but the simple use of his old name is enough to completely throw him off, and the worst part is: He hadn’t anticipated it. Trent knowing he was in Rexxentrum, sure, that would have been a given, but the sinking feeling in his stomach and the way his chest immediately tightened at his old name making him nearly double over? It still hurts, and it makes Caleb feel like he’s about to throw up.

He hasn’t been that person in a long time and yet he’s stumbling through the halls of the Chateau like a lost sheep, hands catching on the walls to stabilize himself and soon enough he doesn’t quite know where he is. There’s a room that’s unlocked and he stumbles inside, half registering that it’s empty.

It’s a storage room of some kind, but it doesn’t really matter, Caleb barely notices anything as she falls to his knees, trying to somehow control his breathing to not go into a full panic mode.

He hates it.

Hates that Trent still has this much control over him, even after all these years. Even after everything he’s achieved, after he’s found people that care about him, and all that without even being physically there.

A letter was all it took to throw Caleb off and revert him back to the scared and tormented boy that hadn’t just killed his parents, but also realized that everything that had been done to him shouldn’t be excused. That he wasn’t privileged and chosen for the greater good, but simply a little toy in the grand scheme of a man who had been overtaken by his hunger for power.

At some point he notices the sobs escaping from his chest, and it takes him another moment to realize that he’s crying. His cheeks are wet, and Caleb presses his hands against his eyes in an effort to make it stop, but it’s of no use. He’s shaking and he’s not sure how much time has passed as he eventually realizes that he’s not alone.

There’s the sound of the door opening and closing and steps that circle him until hands come up to rest on his own, gently prying them away from his face.

He registers blue skin and hair through his blurred vision and of course it’s Jester. Caleb isn’t quite sure why he’s surprised. Part of him craves her touch, hands shaking as they’re enclosed by her own, and yet all he wants is to push her away, because he knows he’ll have to tell her the truth, and if he pushes her away beforehand then maybe it would hurt less, because Caleb can’t remember the last time he’s had control over anything.

He hadn’t planned to fall for her, much less for her to show an interest in him in return, but so far away from the Empire, far away from Trent and the horrors of his youth, it had been easy to flirt with her. Easy to give her all these things that made her smile that smile that set his world on fire, but now he can see the spark in her eyes. The way she turns towards him, seeking him out, and he can’t have that.

“Caleb,” her voice is soft, and it almost breaks his heart again, because he feels like he has no right to be on the receiving end of it. “It’s going to be okay, you know? We won’t let him hurt you. And if you don’t want to go then we can just sneak up on him and kill him. Chop him up into tiny pieces and take them to Eiselcross to scatter them. I don’t think Vess will mind,”

“Jester.” His voice breaks and Caleb tries to take a deep breath to regain some composure, but fails. “It’s not...that’s not how these things work.” Truthfully, he has no idea what’s going to happen, but he knows Trent is going to do everything in his power to turn his friends against him, and they probably won’t even notice.

“Who cares? We’re going to protect you, Caleb.” Jester cuts in again as she’s squeezing his hands and for a moment it feels like she’s the anchor holding him, the only thing keeping him from completely losing it.

“You can’t protect me, Jester. I am...I did horrible things.” He shakes his head and the way her hands tighten around his almost make it worse. “I didn’t just...what broke me wasn’t just my parents dying. I...was the one who...set their house on fire. I was the one who killed them, because Trent...he made me believe they were...traitors,” He still thinks it’s a weak explanation, because he had wanted to do it. Right up until that moment they had wheeled that cart up to the door and set the fire.

It was a testament to how much this man had twisted his way into their minds, that he had been willing to believe him over the people who had raised and loved him, no questions asked.

“Caleb,” He half expects her to pull back, but instead it’s just her voice that comes through, and he can’t decide whether it’s comforting or painful. “That’s not your fault. He’s just an awful person. Like possibly the worst ever,”

And Caleb thinks that he should be yelling that it’s not true, that he made these choices, and that he should be pulling his hands back, but instead his resistance crumbles like paper and he can feel his vision blurring again as more tears spill down his cheeks.

“Jester...” It’s like her name is the only thing that makes sense right now, and he’s well aware that it really shouldn’t, that he should have let go of this useless love a long time ago instead of holding on, and dragging her into it as well, but it’s not that easy.

For everything Jester has made easier in his life she’s gone and made attempting to leave her the hardest thing he’s ever had to deal with.

“Hey,” Her voice comes through again and then her hands are gone for a moment and Caleb half expect hers to disappear entirely, but instead he feels her touch his cheeks, hands warm and grounding. “I meant what I said, okay? You are our home. You’re my home.” He can see tears in her eyes, but her lips are curved into the softest of smiles, one he thinks he doesn’t deserve, but he has no energy to tell her that. He’s been trying to push her away for less than twenty-four hours and he’s already worn out, his heart screaming that this isn’t the right thing to do.

He wants her to be happy by any means, but there’s also a selfish part of him that wants her to be happy with _him._

“Caleb,” Jester says his name again and pulls him back to the present, “You won’t lose me.” And it’s those words that finally wash away the last of what had remained of the walls he had built around himself, walls she had torn through without even trying, and Caleb kisses her, for once not caring about the consequences.

There’s a gasp that escaped her lips and then she’s kissing him back, pulling him impossibly close and Caleb realizes that it wasn’t fair to keep her out of the loop, to try and push her away on his own terms, without even giving her the chance to make her own decisions, because Jester, as always, had gone and surprised him, doing exactly the opposite of what he had expected and it almost makes him laugh.

Her smile is still there when they pull apart and there’s so much he wants to say, but there’s no way they have time to unpack all of this within the short amount of time it will probably take the rest of their friends to find them. Beau is probably already pacing, only held back by Caduceus insisting they give the two of them more time.

“I can’t let him hurt you,” Caleb whispers eventually and Jester wipes away a stray tear that has found its way down his cheek once more.

“He won’t. If he tries anything the various pieces of his body will be going to Eiselcross,” She insists with a nod and Caleb almost laughs again as he once more flashes back to that time Jester had sunk an axe into that poor sailor’s head.

“Thank you,” He eventually adds, and Jester smiles, pulling him in to rest their foreheads together for a moment.

“It’ll be fine, yeah?”

And for the first time in what feels like years, Caleb believes that, maybe, it will be. It took Veth escaping with him from prison to give him a chance at freedom, and Fjord and Beau kicking his ass to remind him not to be an asshole. It took Molly to make him realize that leaving a place better than you found it was a good thing and Caduceus to remind him that it’s never too late for a chance at a new family. It took Yasha to show him that you can love again if you just forgive yourself, but in the end it took Jester reaching for his hand and pulling him along to make him see that he was worthy of it all.

“Ja,” He finally agrees when Jester kisses him again, and Caleb simply lets her.


End file.
